


Calisthenics With Words

by sevendeadlyfun



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode Re-Write, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-29
Updated: 2010-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-11 07:44:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/110057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevendeadlyfun/pseuds/sevendeadlyfun





	Calisthenics With Words

  
  
  
  
  


**Entry tags:**

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[dark!fic](http://sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com/tag/dark%21fic), [darla/buffy](http://sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com/tag/darla/buffy), [pr0n](http://sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com/tag/pr0n)  
  
  
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Pairing: Darla/Buffy

Rating: Hard R

Warnings: character death, tiny bit of femslash, non-con, language

A/N: The title and quote are from Dorothy Parker, who I think would have impressed Darla considerably.  Takes place in an AU version of the Season 1 episode "Angel".

  


_   
**Calisthenics With Words**   
_

As the warm woman died in her arms, Darla reflected on how little the world had changed. She'd heard Darwin himself speak about evolution, and at the time, she'd been mightily impressed. Anything that veered so closely to blasphemy and upset that many people had to be worthwhile, at least in her opinion. But, the longer she lived, the less certain she was regarding humanity's ability to learn anything.

The mother of the Slayer, inviting strangers into her house after dark. Certainly didn't speak well of this family's genetics, that was certain. Viewed in that light, Darla considered that she might be a disciple of Darwin after all. Removing the weak from the gene pool, and didn't that have a noble ring to it? She was practically a humanitarian, when she thought about it. _I wonder if they hand out awards for best genetic cleanser_, she pondered, dropping the lifeless body to the floor.

"Mom? Mom, I'm home," a young voice called out. "Sorry i'm so late. You would not believe how much history actually happened in the past. And I'm not really clear on why we're studying the past anyways. It's not like it's going anywhere. I could learn about it anytime but no, they want me to know it now. I mean, wouldn't it be better to study the future? That way I'd be all prepped for tomorrow."

"Oh, I don't know," Darla replied. "I highly recommend a bit of historical research. It can improve your chances of there being a tomorrow."

The Slayer turned around, body tense. Her eyes darted around the room, looking for something to use as a weapon. Darla sauntered over, a gentle smile playing on her lips.

"Did you think he would love you? That you offered him anything besides a diversion? I made him, precious. You're nothing but a weak substitute for me," Darla mocked.

"Somehow, I'm not crushed," Buffy retorted. "After a few centuries with you, he was probably looking to trade up. I mean, you're what? A thousand years old? You might want to consider a better moisturizer because, just between us girls, you're not aging gracefully."

"A hit, a hit, " Darla retorted. "A pitiful excuse for a Vampire Slayer has insulted my beauty. Whatever shall I do?"

Darla lunged, wrapping her arm around the slighter girl's neck. Lifting Buffy off her feet, she tugged her upstairs and tossed her into a wall. Stunned, the Slayer looked up to see the demon face of her attacker.

"You see, little girl, there's just something about being eternally young that makes me feel all forgiving. Well, that and I'm going to get Angelus back. Puts me in a fine mood, sweetie," Darla mused. "But, if you's like to continue whistling past the graveyard, feel free."

"Not...in the mood...to whistle," Buffy wheezed, crawling towards her bedroom. She knew if she could just get there, she'd find a stake and put an end to Psycho-Vamp Fun NIght.

"Aww, no more jokes? No more cracks?" Darla gave an exaggerated pout. "Spoilsport! I was just beginning to enjoy myself."

Buffy reached for a stake, and a foot came down on top of her wrist. A snap of bone, and the foot kicked the stake off to clatter in the darkness.  Buffy rolled over, clutching her wrist close.

"I know you vampires aren't big on rules, " Buffy panted, "but isn't there something in the vampire handbook about giving the Slayer a sporting chance to dust your ass?"

"Never read the handbook, " Darla replied, straddling Buffy's prone body. "I've always been a big believer in playing by my own rules."

"Wow, and I'm finding myself in the middle of a bonding moment right before dying. I really have to stop saying I've hit my weirdest moment ever " Buffy murmured. "That line always leads to badness."

"But, you might be right," Darla mused. "This does seem a bit...too easy. I'm big on first impressions and there's nothing impressive about killing you now. Of course, I have feeling killing you wouldn't be a big challenge in any case, but I do have a reputation to uphold. I'd like Angelus to enjoy the story, and he hates it when the kill has so little flair."

"Did anyone ever tell you that killing to impress a man is very unliberated," Buffy jibed. "After all, how can a man respect if you aren't yourself?" _Way to go, Buffy. Convince her to go for the quick kill, _she chided herself. _Why not ask if you can open the vein for her, to save her the messy arterial spray clean-up?_

"I don't have to impress him, Buffy. I just want something to hold over his head for the next three or four decades, " Darla responded. "And so, I think that I'll have to modify my plans a bit. Oh don't worry," she went on reassuringly. "It still involves your horribly painful death. But since Angelus isn't here to enjoy you, I'll have to. Just so I can tell him what the soul passed by."

Darla went to work, stripping the Slayer's clothes and tying her down to the bed. Buffy went silent, a single tear escaping her as she remembered how she'd lain here, dreaming about kissing Angel. Before she knew he was a killer, an animal inside a man's body, a thing with a crazy ex-girlfriend who was about to torture her.

Darla finished, and sighed in satisfaction. She leaned over and placed an affectionate kiss on Buffy's full lips. Stroking soft blonde hair, she began to lavish light, teasing licks over the firm tanned skin of her prey.

"I was a whore, you know. Men paid handsome sums to enjoy my skills and here, you get them all for free. There isn't anything I don't know about bringing pleasure to the human form, " Darla confided, a bit gleeful. "Maybe, if you learn your lessons well, I'll spare you. I doubt it, but anything is possible, sweetheart. I could turn you, keep you with me forever. You'd always be young and beautiful, and you could spend that eternity with your precious Angel. Would he like you then, I wonder, when your flesh is cold and your soul replaced by a demon?"

Buffy struggled against the bonds, and when she couldn't free herself, she resorted to the last weapon at her disposal.

"No wonder Angel ditched you. I can't imagine he enjoyed second-hand merchandise," Buffy snapped.

"Stick and stones, Buffy. I met a woman once, decades ago, who had such a way with words. Every syllable out of her mouth was stabbingly vicious. She actually taught me something, if you can believe it, " Darla confessed. "Even after four centuries, and there are still things I don't know. Since we're going to be spending at least the next little while together, I'll teach you."

She stopped, a startled look on her face. Buffy jumped in, retorting " Is this your plan? To bore me to death? Because if so, I'd prefer the pointy fangs method."

"I'm just shocked. Me, offering to teach the perky Slayer a life lesson. I'm becoming quite the altruist in my old age. But, if I'm planning on keeping you around, you'll need to come up a few levels on the intelligence scale, " Darla sighed. "I still haven't decided whether or not you'd be worth centuries of grief. The last time one of us fell for a pretty face...well, William had a certain innate skill, but the trouble he caused..."

Darla ran a finger around a tightly furled nipple, the tip of her nail scratching the sensitive bud and sending a shiver through Buffy's body. The finger drifted down Buffy's slim belly, to rest lightly on a nearly hairless mound. Buffy arched upwards, the coiled spring in her belly pushing her towards the finger.

"Buffy, darling, you lack wit. That vicious woman told me that wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words, and that's all you do. Don't worry, though. We'll have plenty of time to work on your wit. Right now, it's your sweet little body that needs attention. I bet you laid here at night, teasing yourself and dreaming about Angelus. He's quite the lover, dear girl. You'll get your chance. But, first, I think I'll take a sample of what you have to offer."

As Darla's mouth moved down towards Buffy's wet and aching center, Buffy began to shudder uncontrollably. Her worst nightmares come to life, rape and turning. Yet, part of her welcomed it. Soon she'd be free. No more mission, no more calling, no more sacred duty. She would have eternity, and while she fought against the invading fingers, her mind began to slow and cool in the inevitable descent towards death.


End file.
